Mindfulness

I became a teacher for many reasons, but the main driving reason for why I became a teacher was because I was a miserable student. School was not my safe spot. I preferred my friends in my neighborhood and talking with my older cousins. I struggled with math and I struggled to pay attention in class. I would rather run with my daydreams which for a long time was thought to be a hearing problem, so I was given a million hearing tests. I joked with my mother that all I remember from Elementary School was hearing tests and multiplication cards. I despised the way I felt and I often adapted in maybe not so healthy ways. I wanted to be an educator to maybe change some things and have an opportunity to work with those goofball kids who have all the potential in the world, but seem to limit themselves. These experiences have made me a fighter, but for longer than I care to admit it put a chip on my shoulder. I was constantly on the defense. So the last couple of weeks I have been thinking a...

Months ago or maybe a month ago, time is blurring all together, I asked what the difference was between happiness and fulfillment. Many of the answers matched my thinking. So before I get to my thoughts on the matter let us start with differentiating between the two concepts. The difference between fulfillment and happiness is simply one of depth and time. The best way to explain this difference is with food. Happiness is like eating your guilty pleasure food like candy or a greasy burger from your favorite fast food joint. While you eat you feel euphoric and satisfied, but it is not the type of nutrition that your body can use efficiently. Fulfillment is like a well-balanced meal that makes your body feel powerful and can help you run more efficiently, because your body is getting all the elements it needs. Happiness are moments. I felt happy when I was with my friends in a pub talking with foreign strangers. I felt happy when I got my first permanent teaching job. Happiness did n...

I have a confession. This has been a long time coming. I accept that my Astrological sign is Cancer. I have been fighting it for a long time, because the stereotype of a Cancer is someone who is moody and wants tons of babies. You know the everything is fine until you use the wrong tone then they get sulky, wanting you to ask them if they are okay constantly as they give passive aggressive responses. Yeah, that is not me. Sometimes though stereotypes are built on patterns rather than truth. So as part of my Zodiac Acknowledgement Support Program (ZASP), the first step is to vocalize why I am a Cancer. Home/Family/Country are Important  Now most people interpret this as a flag-waving woman, baking cookies for their family, and never wanting to leave home. Truth is the idea of 'home' differs on the person. I thrive when I feel I have a foundation. Meaning my home are my friends, my job, my community, and the world in which I live in. If I feel my country is unstable--I feel st...

The last two weeks I have felt this constant restlessness pulling at me. My mind has been racing and just feel overwhelmed by all the things that I am doing. Seems like many people I care about are feeling the same way. Sometimes it is hard to voice how you feel or pinpoint why you are feeling off. Sometimes we even blame the wrong thing or we ignore it in the hopes that it goes away. I tried the latter option, but the feeling kept climbing as the days unfolded then it began to creep into other parts of my life. Last week I did not workout and my nutrition was atrocious. I was exhausted so I chose shortcuts to give myself a break, but those things ended up making me more tired and stressed. This week I began to forget simple things I routinely did. I forgot my laptop at work, my work keys at home, and today I forgot some papers I was going to work on over the weekend. Sometimes we need a moment to get our breath back and to really look into what is going on. After school today, I b...

"I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I intended to be." - Douglas Adams During my high school years I got a lot of advice, some I asked for others forced it on me, but at the end of the day I listened to what I felt was best for me. I am a big believer in having a 'Plan A' that constantly changes and gets edited. Life has a funny way of working in strange ways and every time you see dominance life will turn the opposite way. At the end of the day I do think we get what we need and if we are open to it life will shape us into what we always wanted, but the how we imagined might not come into fruition. Let me give an example. As a high school student and into my early college years, I wanted to become a radio personality. I loved conversation and meeting new people. Loved promoting new music I found. Discussing the news of the day. Dissecting the human condition and human trends. I also had a deeper voice for a girl, which l...

The last couple weeks I have been obsessed with Paolo Nutini, a Scottish singer/songwriter, who sings soulful and bluesy songs. He is fantastic and I truly recommend that you look into him if you have not heard of him before. The man got semi-American radio airplay for a little while with his song called 'New Shoes'. I am only telling you this for context. Another one of his songs is called 'Rewind,' which is a song of regret and wishing you could go back to a certain point in your life. Get some more time or maybe even do something differently. This song triggered a whole bunch of thoughts that I have been writing about for a few days now. Mainly about how each command of the remote or radio plays a big part in labeling our lives. I have rewind years, fast forward years, pause years, and most recently play years. Each command is actually a feeling that you have about your current state.  As a teenager I would say that I was in the fast forward phase of my life....

"I am getting too old for this." Sometimes I think we get stuck between the nostalgia of the past that sometimes we desire to re-live it, but when we do we often get this feeling that something is not the same. I think many of us blame the fact that we are old therefore we can't party like we use to, but the truth is I am more fit than I was when I was 18. Something else is different. My mindset. My soul. Myself.  I think the truth lies in not only am I older so I cannot handle certain thing as well as I use to, but also that maybe those things I use to do were not healthy to begin with. Maybe those things were not things I did out of a healthy place, but instead out of a non-healthy place. Trying to fit in, trying to forget, trying to cope, or just trying in general. Now when I chase that I just feel like an absolute fool.  So, truth is, I don't want it. I don't want to chase it anymore. I want to treat my body well and have meaningful conversations w...