Mindfulness

The last couple weeks I have been obsessed with Paolo Nutini, a Scottish singer/songwriter, who sings soulful and bluesy songs. He is fantastic and I truly recommend that you look into him if you have not heard of him before. The man got semi-American radio airplay for a little while with his song called 'New Shoes'. I am only telling you this for context. Another one of his songs is called 'Rewind,' which is a song of regret and wishing you could go back to a certain point in your life. Get some more time or maybe even do something differently. This song triggered a whole bunch of thoughts that I have been writing about for a few days now. Mainly about how each command of the remote or radio plays a big part in labeling our lives. I have rewind years, fast forward years, pause years, and most recently play years. Each command is actually a feeling that you have about your current state.  As a teenager I would say that I was in the fast forward phase of my life.

"I am getting too old for this." Sometimes I think we get stuck between the nostalgia of the past that sometimes we desire to re-live it, but when we do we often get this feeling that something is not the same. I think many of us blame the fact that we are old therefore we can't party like we use to, but the truth is I am more fit than I was when I was 18. Something else is different. My mindset. My soul. Myself.  I think the truth lies in not only am I older so I cannot handle certain thing as well as I use to, but also that maybe those things I use to do were not healthy to begin with. Maybe those things were not things I did out of a healthy place, but instead out of a non-healthy place. Trying to fit in, trying to forget, trying to cope, or just trying in general. Now when I chase that I just feel like an absolute fool.  So, truth is, I don't want it. I don't want to chase it anymore. I want to treat my body well and have meaningful conversations w