Mindfulness

Last month, I was honored enough to be asked to speak to a group of potential new teachers about my experiences as a 504 Plan kid and how that propelled me to go into teaching. One of the stories that I told was how there was a disconnect between myself and my teachers. Many of my teachers told me that I was a horrible writer, demonstrated low comprehension, and many of them treated me with an air of frustration. Little did they know their feedback did not align with the truth. I went home everyday from school to write in my blog about philosophers, historical events, and even got into heated debates with grown ups about foreign policy decisions. Truth was, I just did not care about the things they wanted me to do and I felt much safer exploring the skills they were teaching me in my own ways on my own terms.  This is why I never ever want to think I know where a kid is at or where they can go based on what I see in my class. There is more to people than what you see. People show...

I wonder sometimes if we set up ourselves up for disappointment. Maybe it is the fact that I am teaching the main principals of Buddhism and Confucianism in my classes, but this point has been stuck in my head for awhile. There are many people who are in bad situations who never get out of them. Either because of economic barriers or institutional racism, but also to some degree our own psychology getting in our own way. I have been told many times growing up that I need to get out of my own way, and I find myself wanting to tell some of my students that as well. There is what we cannot control and there is what we can. Sometimes we give our own control away, because what we cannot control overwhelms us or we convince ourselves there is no other way. Truth is there is always another way. Always. I have faith in that. "We build statues out of snow, then weep to see them fall." - Walter Scott  How much of ourselves are in our failures and how much can we blame other p...

The biggest difference between those who are mature and those who are immature are the elements of self-responsibility and accepting self-agency. We cannot change the actions of others, we cannot change the way people think, we cannot control aspects of life beyond our control, but we can make sure we take care of ourselves. If you put your happiness in the hands of anyone else you will be disappointed. Not necessarily because you will not find good friends or good significant others, but because people are human and busy themselves. Life happens. If I do not communicate my needs and expect people to know what to do then is it my fault that I am not happy or the people in my life? I would say, it would be mine. In High School, I blamed a lot of people for my unhappiness. I blamed my classmates, I blamed my teachers, and I blamed society as well. I was angry. I knew what I wanted and it just seemed like everyone had something to say about it. Truth is though I was just a stubborn ki...

This post might be inspired by Buzzfeed Unsolved or by my Nocturnal Journal which asked me this morning to think of things that still haunt me. We all have ghosts that haunt us or baggage that we carry. Those negative things define us more than I think we are conscious of. All the little things and the big things add up to be the fears we hold, the caution we exercise, and even the vulnerabilities we wish to hide from people. I have not met a single soul that does not have something lurking. I definitely have my ghosts and I am not going to flesh it out online. That is far too personal. But I do, especially about some of the things I did when I was younger, because I was trying to be cool. Or not acknowledging toxic situations, because I was scared of losing friends. Or not saying I cared for someone deeply, because I was scared of getting hurt. All those 'what if' situations that not only cross your mind, but they also change the trajectory of your life sometimes. I am rea...

A tradition I have kept since graduating High School is giving a year a chapter title. Some years were good, some years were devastating, and some years had a necessary point. Every year though acts a building block to who I am today just like chapters telling a tale. Table of Contents  1987-2001 CHILDHOOD 2001-2005 ADOLESCENCE  2005 the year of DOUBT 2006 the year of LOSS 2007 the year of the HOPE 2008 the year of ABANDON  2009 the year of UNKNOWN 2010 the year of RISK 2011 the year of LEARNING  2012 the year of PAYING DUES  2013 the year of ISOLATION  2014 the year of DEVELOPMENT 2015 the year of HOME 2016 the year of EXPANSION  2017 has officially been dubbed the year of FOLLOW THROUGH.   This year for me has really been about taking what I started in 2016 and making it a reality. Everything I did this year I either started, planned, or put it on a to-do list in the fall of 2016. That is why last year was about ...

My friend bought me a book, well it is more like a workbook, titled The Nocturnal Journal: A Late-Night Exploration of What's Really On Your Mind by Lee Crutchley. Proof that I have amazing friends who really know me, because I am both an insomniac and a strange contemplator of human existence. Sounds dramatic, yet, still very much true. I might be taking a few ideas from that workbook that I feel deserve more exploration. The first thing I want to explore is the past, present, and future. Growth or regressions, doesn't matter, humans transform with their experiences, yet we never take enough time to explore those changes to see if they are good ones or bad ones. Past:  My past is a mixed bag of experiences. I was blessed to have a wonderful family and some really great friends who challenged me. In middle school and high school, I was the ADHD kid who struggled with academics yet wrote blog posts about politics. I had intelligence, but I never really wanted to play the g...

It is easy to fall into a pitfall of absolutes, something I do often, because absolutes are easy. The idea that there are two different kinds of people rule followers and those who don't, or competent and incompetent, or healthy and unhealthy, or positive and negative. Truth is every single one of us fall into all categories it just depends on the what, who, and the when. We have all been toxic and healthy, we have all been positive and negative, and we have all been incompetent and competent. I suppose what this blog post is exploring is something uncomfortable... we are not as awesome as we think and at the same time we are not as bad as we think. We're a happy medium called human as long as we are balanced. As I was perusing Pinterest, I found a post that explored my personality type when we are in a toxic place and when we are in a healthy place. Truth is I found truth in both parts in different parts of my life. Example A:  A healthy ENFP is outgoing and welcomes new ...