Everyone Has Two Sides
It is easy to fall into a pitfall of absolutes, something I do often, because absolutes are easy. The idea that there are two different kinds of people rule followers and those who don't, or competent and incompetent, or healthy and unhealthy, or positive and negative. Truth is every single one of us fall into all categories it just depends on the what, who, and the when. We have all been toxic and healthy, we have all been positive and negative, and we have all been incompetent and competent. I suppose what this blog post is exploring is something uncomfortable... we are not as awesome as we think and at the same time we are not as bad as we think. We're a happy medium called human as long as we are balanced.
As I was perusing Pinterest, I found a post that explored my personality type when we are in a toxic place and when we are in a healthy place. Truth is I found truth in both parts in different parts of my life.
Example A:
A healthy ENFP is outgoing and welcomes new people into their lives with warmth. An unhealthy ENFP is reclusive and guarded.
For the most part, I consider my nature to be someone who is sociable and loves people. I am the type of person who strikes up conversations with strangers. I enjoy people and the stories they have to tell. But when I am in a bad place in my life I definitely am reclusive. This was the truth during 2013-2015 when I was dealing with some major issues. Instead of seeking out comfort, support, or putting myself in a place where I could bounce back. I withdrew into myself feeling like people were the problem and that it was best if I just took a step back. I mean my first year of teaching my classroom was empty at lunch, because I could not do it. Now, my classroom is full at lunch. And I love it. As I got healthier and started to bounce back I started to put myself out there again and now I am just as sociable now as I was before my reclusive period.
Example B:
A healthy ENFP follows through on commitments that they know are important to other people. An unhealthy ENFP flakes on plans and doesn’t consider the feelings of those around them.
This one I find interesting. Because the truth is I still flake out on plans sometimes, because I feel the need to correct and balance myself. So is it unhealthy to do what you know you need in order to get yourself back to a healthy place? Is the mechanism unhealthy or is it the consistent flaking that determines that you are unhealthy? For me, this does not introduce clarity it creates questions of what it truly means to be healthy. Truth is none of us are 100% healthy all the time. We always have days we need to reset and if we do that then does that open us up to criticism or is this a form of healthy selfishness that we should require from ourselves at times?.
Example C:
A healthy ENFP knows when he or she needs help. An unhealthy ENFP is scared to admit that anything’s wrong at all.
This is very true. If I feel overwhelmed or too lost in those negative feelings I try my best to figure it out alone. Which, intellectually, I know is absolutely stupid. Healthy though I ask for help and feedback all the time.
So I suppose my thoughts are this. We really never know anyone, because they might be working from healthy points of views or unhealthy points of views. They may be healthy at work and unhealthy on personal matters. Or vice versa. Monday they might be unhealthy and Wednesday they might be healthy. Or someone might be unhealthy for years due to some kind of trauma. Now that doesn't mean that you can't choose to separate yourself from someone who is negative, or tries to drag you down, or might be too unhealthy that they constantly disappoint you. But can you ever fully judge someone when we really can't say that we have acted perfectly all the time?
Truth is, I am a different person now than I was four years ago. Professionally, personally, physically, and everything. At some point I existed on both sides of the two people who exist in the world. And that's okay with me.
As I was perusing Pinterest, I found a post that explored my personality type when we are in a toxic place and when we are in a healthy place. Truth is I found truth in both parts in different parts of my life.
Example A:
A healthy ENFP is outgoing and welcomes new people into their lives with warmth. An unhealthy ENFP is reclusive and guarded.
For the most part, I consider my nature to be someone who is sociable and loves people. I am the type of person who strikes up conversations with strangers. I enjoy people and the stories they have to tell. But when I am in a bad place in my life I definitely am reclusive. This was the truth during 2013-2015 when I was dealing with some major issues. Instead of seeking out comfort, support, or putting myself in a place where I could bounce back. I withdrew into myself feeling like people were the problem and that it was best if I just took a step back. I mean my first year of teaching my classroom was empty at lunch, because I could not do it. Now, my classroom is full at lunch. And I love it. As I got healthier and started to bounce back I started to put myself out there again and now I am just as sociable now as I was before my reclusive period.
Example B:
A healthy ENFP follows through on commitments that they know are important to other people. An unhealthy ENFP flakes on plans and doesn’t consider the feelings of those around them.
This one I find interesting. Because the truth is I still flake out on plans sometimes, because I feel the need to correct and balance myself. So is it unhealthy to do what you know you need in order to get yourself back to a healthy place? Is the mechanism unhealthy or is it the consistent flaking that determines that you are unhealthy? For me, this does not introduce clarity it creates questions of what it truly means to be healthy. Truth is none of us are 100% healthy all the time. We always have days we need to reset and if we do that then does that open us up to criticism or is this a form of healthy selfishness that we should require from ourselves at times?.
Example C:
A healthy ENFP knows when he or she needs help. An unhealthy ENFP is scared to admit that anything’s wrong at all.
This is very true. If I feel overwhelmed or too lost in those negative feelings I try my best to figure it out alone. Which, intellectually, I know is absolutely stupid. Healthy though I ask for help and feedback all the time.
So I suppose my thoughts are this. We really never know anyone, because they might be working from healthy points of views or unhealthy points of views. They may be healthy at work and unhealthy on personal matters. Or vice versa. Monday they might be unhealthy and Wednesday they might be healthy. Or someone might be unhealthy for years due to some kind of trauma. Now that doesn't mean that you can't choose to separate yourself from someone who is negative, or tries to drag you down, or might be too unhealthy that they constantly disappoint you. But can you ever fully judge someone when we really can't say that we have acted perfectly all the time?
Truth is, I am a different person now than I was four years ago. Professionally, personally, physically, and everything. At some point I existed on both sides of the two people who exist in the world. And that's okay with me.
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