Posts

Seeking Help

I reached out today to seek an online therapist to see if I can work through the road block that is in my mind.  I am saying this because I know in the United States, in particular, mental health and seeking out help has a stigma which needs to go away. Getting help, talking through things, and learning coping mechanisms that are healthy are never bad things. Never. Asking for help always makes you stronger. Always.  So the reason I am asking for help is because me weight correlates with my mental health. And let me be clear... this is not a body image issue. I know I am adorable no matter how big or small I am. It is feeling unhealthy... feeling tired, feeling winded, and just not my best self from a health stance. That is what drags me down about weight gain.  I notice that I do have drastic weight gains in moments of loss. I gained weight and became unhealthy after losing my grandmother and Aunt Joan in a short amount of time. I gained weight and became unhealthy when a troubled fri
Post a Comment
Read more

Ethnic Studies: The Why Told By a White Marinite.

Teaching elements of Critical Race Theory and Ethnic Studies is not teaching people to be hateful and prejudice against white people. People who think this have a deep ignorance on the topic or are buying into the panic being spread by people who benefit from the people not being able to think critically about systems.  Let me explain this by using my own story. I am white with a dominant ancestral roots in Europe and I am fairly confident that the Anderson branch were early Arkansas/Tennessee Scotch-Irish settlers pre-Civil War. What does this mean? I definitely had ancestors who fought on the Confederate side. Yet, when I talk to people about race or learn about the Civil War I do not feel like my identity is being attacked or that I should shoulder the shame of the past. I instead wanted to learn more. I wanted to know why Poor Whites in the South would back an institution that really did not benefit them as much as it did the planters. I wanted to know why people would allow race b
Post a Comment
Read more

Habits

  “We are what we repeatedly do. Greatness then, is not an act, but a habit” ―  Will Durant This quote was a mantra of sorts for me starting in 2018. I created many routines for myself and from those routines I was able to accomplish a lot personally and professionally. The pandemic has thrown a massive wrench into those habits and since then the feeling of being 'on track' has not existed. Routines, regardless if they are enjoyable, are a foundation of our mental health.  The best example of a routine that I had no idea mattered to me so much until the world stop was listening to music for my 30 minute commute to work. Missing my morning workout at the gym was a big thing that changed and my mind focused on that. Then I realized I was super grouchy in the mornings then it dawned on that I was missing that block of time where I would just listen to music to transition into or out of work. So I now make it a habit to listen to music on my stereo before work to get me pumped up.
Post a Comment
Read more

Uncertainty

My mind in the Spring of 2020 was too loud for me to handle. Fall of 2020 my life was too busy for my thoughts to be processed. Now, I think I have forgotten how to process. I just wanted to explain my lack of blog posts as of late.  Now that I am less busy and my mind has recovered slightly I plan to focus on three things: mindfulness, nutrition, and physical exercise.  Uncertainty is exhausting. Exhausting. Not just a tired exhaustion it is every type of exhaustion layered on top of one another. Your body hurts from the tension that you hold, your mind hurts from trying to figure out what might happen and how it might impact you, and you are emotionally exhausted because there is never an off moment. Part of me just wants decisions to made so I can react to it... negatively or positively. It is the uncertainty part of it that makes it hard to cope. This is what makes a pandemic different from any other crisis I've experienced. It is a roller coaster of uncertainty and progress. 
Post a Comment
Read more

Anxiety

I am going to admit something to the world that hopefully might help someone. I am currently suffering from some really bad anxiety. It comes in waves and mostly hits me around 8 o'clock, the time where I close out my day, and switch over to more quiet time activities.  Sometimes my thoughts are directed toward worry about my students, my friends, and my family. Sometimes my fear is directed towards myself as my brain tricks me into thinking I am sick when I am not. There are times that these thoughts have triggered panic attacks and then other times where I can feel my anxiety impact my body. In the form of muscle aches, headaches, racing heart, upset stomach, and a feeling of pressure in my chest. Sadly... some of these symptoms overlap with Covid-19 symptoms and then the anxiety increases even more.  I am currently trying to break this cycle and manage it since dealing with the biological impacts of stress or anxiety thoughts are not fun. Nor are they sustainable. My l
Post a Comment
Read more

Democracy: Principles, Beliefs, and Walls

I have spoken on many occasions about being the youngest in my family who love to debate. Most of my life I sat there listening as I watched the adults and my older cousins provide evidence, commentary, questions and grapple with complex issues. I watched and took it in as I saw some people get frustrated and others enjoy the frustration they were causing. I also saw how even as the political conversation got heated it was quickly reconciled and no one, at least, seemed to take it all that personally. No one doubted the intentions and good will of the other despite having contrasting views on complex political issues. As I grew more confident I brought my own opinions to the table. Especially after 9/11 and the beginnings of the Iraq War. It impacted my generation and there were people I knew who were talking about joining the military. I became obsessed, because I was worried. I scoured sources and did research as I tried to figure out my own political identity. I found that I was
Post a Comment
Read more

2019 was the year of...

I think it is important to take the end of the year to reflect on the good, the triumphant, the difficult, and the failures. Years really do not mean anything if you think about how arbitrary it all is, but it is the only way to document history and even our own personal history to see our growth. Whether it was a good year, a bad year, or somewhere in between growth happened. You changed. I started this thing after reading a book about naming the chapter of our lives, because if you notice years do have themes and they are never the same. I wouldn't have known that if I didn't take the time at the end of the year to search for the right word. Here is my life so far.  1987-2001  CHILDHOOD 2001-2005  ADOLESCENCE  2005 the year of  DOUBT 2006 the year of  LOSS 2007 the year of the  HOPE 2008 the year of  ABANDON  2009 the year of  UNKNOWN 2010 the year of  RISK 2011 the year of  LEARNING  2012 the year of  PAYING DUES  2013 the year of  ISOLATION  2014 the year
Post a Comment
Read more