Uncomfortable and Content...a marriage that works.

Everyone has walls and defenses based on the experience they have had. We all come into this world open, but as time goes by we all start to create our own way of surviving that can be destructive if we allow it to be. Might help with the short term, but it creates more problems in the future. Manifests in something more and more unhealthy if left examined.

I am working on examining those walls and seeing what walls are foundational and what walls are unnecessary. Sometimes your house feels crowded due to the fact that there are too many barriers. If you remove them then you open up your house and there is a better flow to it. It makes the house feel open and welcoming, sometimes even freeing with more light. So that is my current journey. Seeing what is necessary and what it is getting in my way when it comes to having a healthy relationship with my friends, my family, and the world.

Makes me sound like I have a 'hotmess'. I'm not. Definitely not. But I have to admit that I am not easily the most emotionally available individual. I actually feel like society encourages people to be emotionally unavailable, because it makes you look like you are in control, private, or that you are rational over being emotional. Really though it just means you have control issues, trust issues, intimacy issues, or lack self-confidence. It is that false bravado that makes you and others think you are together, but really there is a thorn in your side that will always be the elephant in the room for all present and future friendships/relationships. I recognize that. Knowing and doing are two different skill sets though. One is easy the other one requires a leap of faith that you can handle what the world does to you when you are fully authentically you and allow yourself to be open to all things. Rejection is a part of life though and can you really be truly accepted if you don't put everything out there.

So Emotionally Available 101, starts now, and it is terrifying. Well not, terrifying, more like uncomfortable. Might mean I am doing something right. 

Losing weight made me realize how much I was carrying not just physically, but emotionally. Thankfully I have some positive people around me to cheerlead me into the unknown. Let me know if you need a positive cheerleader for something. I am always available. The world is better when people feel free to be themselves and to connect in authentic ways.

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