Beginnings of an Authentic Conversation
Authenticity has been on my mind lately. Mostly because I think it is overused and under-practiced. I would say that the majority of humans are not actually authentic, even if we have yearning to be and often claim to be.
In the name of living up to this topic, I must admit that I am still in the process of understanding what it means to be authentic and to be honest still struggle with some parts of it. Not saying that I am dishonest or that I am easily swayed by the opinions around me, but there is something that a truly authentic person does that I think only a few have mastered. I hope to master it though.
I am going to continue this conversation by looking at the different parts of what it means to be authentic.
Honesty -
Honesty is another concept that I find interesting. Many people wear the band of 'truth teller' when really they crush the light of others to make their light seem brighter. It depends on the why you are being 'honest' and if your 'honesty' is really a mask to keep people at a distance or to make you feel righteous then the truth is that you are not honest you are selfish. This is fine if you talk about how you are honest, because you are selfish or you are honest about where your advice is coming from.
To be honest in respect to being authentic is to speak your mind, your opinion, give your advice, but also voice your desires behind your advice as well. If you do not voice your desires the people in which you are giving your truth will feel as if you see yourself as superior or that you do not care about that person as much as they wish you would. That question in someone's head means you are not being as transparent as you think you are.
I think you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with the people around you. Once you get to that point then your honesty stops being a source of entertainment and a source bragging, but instead becomes something more powerful for you and the people around you. Authentic honesty is one that is devoid of deception self or otherwise.
Being Yourself -
I feel like we talk more about being authentic now than ever before. Yet, we also live in a world where everyone seems to be marketing themselves. Our social media is filled with our best days and our best thoughts. Many of us project certain terms, titles, and parts of ourselves to make other people think certain things about us. I would say that we currently live in a world where being original has never been more promoted and yet originality without soul can be a lonely place to be.
Being yourself means you stand up for the things you find important even among friends. You are willing to be vulnerable. You are willing to let people know that you are not an expert on something. You are yourself no matter the context, code-switching aside, but that you are not always exuding a false face to people in order to be liked or respected. You can ask for help. The people around you can see that you see yourself for bad or for good. And that is okay. Some people might agree or might not agree... and that's okay. I feel like in order for this part to work you need to let go of control. You do not feel the need to manage your own PR and you do not care if those around you might not like you. You are just you. That's all you are concerned with. You get let go and see the power in what you do.
Allowing others to be authentic -
This is the part that gets lost completely. Most people are like "I am loud, proud, and fucking speak the truth. Authentic as hell." But then they look at others as competition or see the success of others as a bad thing for them. Or despise when someone else gets praised. I mean why do you feel that way? Why do you have such problems with it? What is going on there?
The ego has a way of pulling us off our authentic game to play petty games. It is not all about me or you. It's okay that it is not all about me or you. It shouldn't be. If you let others drive your actions you can never truly live an authentic life. We live in a competitive world and... sadly...self-image is a marketable trade. Even if you claim to be yourself and you are brutally honest... the truth of the matter is that you need to know your motivations for the things you do. Be honest even when it does not benefit you. Allow others to be honest and celebrate them for being themselves. Let go of control and power wars. Just be. Someone else having a voice does not mean you have less of one. Allowing people to go through their process will not get in the way of your process. We cannot think we own people. Because we don't. Even if we are in relationships with the person in question.
This is why even the most championed of self-proclaimed authentic people need to slow down and think. Make sure that their truth, desires, self, and intentions are transparent, understood, and let the people around you see them. Even if it means some people might think you are stupid, weak, mean, or anything else. Don't let yourself be less authentic, because other people are not. I imagine when people reach authenticity it is both a freeing feeling and it involves a lot of hard conversations with yourself as well as the people around you.
So what now?
- Breathe
- Let go
- Repeat
In the name of living up to this topic, I must admit that I am still in the process of understanding what it means to be authentic and to be honest still struggle with some parts of it. Not saying that I am dishonest or that I am easily swayed by the opinions around me, but there is something that a truly authentic person does that I think only a few have mastered. I hope to master it though.
I am going to continue this conversation by looking at the different parts of what it means to be authentic.
Honesty -
Honesty is another concept that I find interesting. Many people wear the band of 'truth teller' when really they crush the light of others to make their light seem brighter. It depends on the why you are being 'honest' and if your 'honesty' is really a mask to keep people at a distance or to make you feel righteous then the truth is that you are not honest you are selfish. This is fine if you talk about how you are honest, because you are selfish or you are honest about where your advice is coming from.
To be honest in respect to being authentic is to speak your mind, your opinion, give your advice, but also voice your desires behind your advice as well. If you do not voice your desires the people in which you are giving your truth will feel as if you see yourself as superior or that you do not care about that person as much as they wish you would. That question in someone's head means you are not being as transparent as you think you are.
I think you need to be honest with yourself before you can be honest with the people around you. Once you get to that point then your honesty stops being a source of entertainment and a source bragging, but instead becomes something more powerful for you and the people around you. Authentic honesty is one that is devoid of deception self or otherwise.
Being Yourself -
I feel like we talk more about being authentic now than ever before. Yet, we also live in a world where everyone seems to be marketing themselves. Our social media is filled with our best days and our best thoughts. Many of us project certain terms, titles, and parts of ourselves to make other people think certain things about us. I would say that we currently live in a world where being original has never been more promoted and yet originality without soul can be a lonely place to be.
Being yourself means you stand up for the things you find important even among friends. You are willing to be vulnerable. You are willing to let people know that you are not an expert on something. You are yourself no matter the context, code-switching aside, but that you are not always exuding a false face to people in order to be liked or respected. You can ask for help. The people around you can see that you see yourself for bad or for good. And that is okay. Some people might agree or might not agree... and that's okay. I feel like in order for this part to work you need to let go of control. You do not feel the need to manage your own PR and you do not care if those around you might not like you. You are just you. That's all you are concerned with. You get let go and see the power in what you do.
Allowing others to be authentic -
This is the part that gets lost completely. Most people are like "I am loud, proud, and fucking speak the truth. Authentic as hell." But then they look at others as competition or see the success of others as a bad thing for them. Or despise when someone else gets praised. I mean why do you feel that way? Why do you have such problems with it? What is going on there?
The ego has a way of pulling us off our authentic game to play petty games. It is not all about me or you. It's okay that it is not all about me or you. It shouldn't be. If you let others drive your actions you can never truly live an authentic life. We live in a competitive world and... sadly...self-image is a marketable trade. Even if you claim to be yourself and you are brutally honest... the truth of the matter is that you need to know your motivations for the things you do. Be honest even when it does not benefit you. Allow others to be honest and celebrate them for being themselves. Let go of control and power wars. Just be. Someone else having a voice does not mean you have less of one. Allowing people to go through their process will not get in the way of your process. We cannot think we own people. Because we don't. Even if we are in relationships with the person in question.
This is why even the most championed of self-proclaimed authentic people need to slow down and think. Make sure that their truth, desires, self, and intentions are transparent, understood, and let the people around you see them. Even if it means some people might think you are stupid, weak, mean, or anything else. Don't let yourself be less authentic, because other people are not. I imagine when people reach authenticity it is both a freeing feeling and it involves a lot of hard conversations with yourself as well as the people around you.
So what now?
- Breathe
- Let go
- Repeat
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