Feminine Power

Watching the Women's World Cup is bringing all these emotions and memories that I have to confront. That I feel needs to be addressed. I honestly do not talk about it too much, but it is a big part of who I am and how I operate. Maybe even illuminates some of my shortcomings as well. Let me start with the macro and I will work my way to my smaller story inside the larger narrative. Which is...it took me awhile to see the power in being a female. 

Women, ethnic minorities, or members of the LGBTQ community (or some combination of the three) do not fit the 'normal' power paradigms and therefore rarely feel like they can connect with the people they see on the big or small screen. 

This dissatisfaction comes from one of three places: 

1. Lack of diverse ethnicities, religions, and races in general. Meaning these groups are simply not being cast. 
2. Lack of humanizing and giving proper complexity to the diverse natures of these ethnicities, religions, and races when they do make it onto the screen. 
3. Strict-stereotyped gender roles and power dynamics that lead to female victimhood or toxic masculinity. 

These messages we send in our movies, in our books, or in our shows without intention sends messages to our children and shapes our culture. It confuses what it means to be a woman and what it means to be a man or what it means to be an Asian-American or a black man. Representation matters. Not just in certain groups being present, but celebrating the diversity in spirit and character of all the individuals that exist in those groups. 

This is why when people finally get to see someone that looks like them or represents a part of themselves that might have been shamed at some point, people cling onto it like oxygen, because seeing that part of who you are getting validated makes you feel connected. No longer are you isolated or alienated...this part of you is taking the hero's journey or doing something righteous rather than reinforcing the idea that there is something unpleasant about you or not normal. 

I never related to most of the Disney princesses. In fact, the first woman that I ever felt connected to was Princess Leia. She kicked butt, she bossed the boys around, and was incredibly self-sufficient. Later on I really enjoyed Jasmine from Aladdin, because she was defiant, strong, and stood out. Though I had to admit as I got older I became frustrated at the lack of unique storyline for her, which thankfully, was corrected in the live-action film. Mulan though was the character that made me the most proud. She was a girl who felt stifled by the box that was being placed around her. Then she did it her way and saved China. I think I even used that an excuse not to wear a dress once. 'Mulan didn't wear a dress and she saved China. End of story.' I mean that's the way it should be, right? People being themselves and letting that inner-power transform our world into something better. Mulan, Jasmine, and Princess Leia seemed real to me and that realness allowed them to save what needed to be saved, including me and many other young women trying to figure themselves out. 

I craved to see feminine power. As a kid, I have to admit, I always felt more affinity with the male characters than the female characters. I saw, subconsciously, femininity as being weak, emotional, irrational, catty, superficial, and shallow. So when I was playing with my neighborhood friends (all boys) and they told me that I had to be the Pink Power Ranger it made me angry. The male power rangers seemed stronger, tougher, and even smarter. I now know that I was horribly wrong, but you can see where a young girl would think that about themselves. Even at my place of work we had two soccer teams a girl team and a boy team. Both teams played one another for fun during lunch. Before the game all the girls were talking about how they were going to lose... and they did... but it might have been different if the women on the field recognized that they were tough and strong. I even steered away from dresses and things I felt were too female, because to me it felt as if I was losing control if I did. My friends would compliment me or I would get attention that I never really wanted. It felt like I had to choose between intelligence or superficiality. Never crossed my mind that I could be powerful, intelligent, and in a dress. I never had to choose one or the other. I just needed to choose if I wanted to wear a dress or not. Made it way bigger than it was, because of the messaging I was getting from everything around me. 

Women hear a million things about how they look and what they wear more than any other part of who they are. Truth. We can definitely do better. Thankfully, I now recognize my own power in being a female. I now want to be the female protagonists. And I am surrounded by wonderful empowered females who show me everyday how tough we truly are. I'll be the Pink Power Ranger now. I am also so proud to all the amazingly wonderful women playing in the World Cup. It feels good to be a woman. Hopefully, though the world will continue to embrace how diverse women are and it is through that diversity that makes us an incredibly healing and transformative force to be reckoned with.