Communication is Key

I always thought that I was a masterful communicator. Teachers always told me that my debate style was calm and comforting, but effective in its approach. Public speaking has always been easy for me minus my need to pace out my energy. My political science professors told me I had a way of taking a complex idea and making it approachable. Early feedback in my professional life highlighted how intentional I am with words as well. Now after all this boasting, why is it that I am now revoking my title of masterful communicator? This is only one form of communication which is important for tough discussions, academia, and professional settings. So kudos for me, but I do have a weakness, a massive one. In fact, most of us have this weakness.

So what is my weakness and the weakness of many? Interpersonal communication. 

"Between what is said and not meant, and what is meant and not said, most of love is lost." - Khalil Gibran 

This type of communication requires a few elements that might be hard for some people. It requires a level of honesty and it requires us to slow down, pause, and paraphrase to not just communicate what we want but also hear it from another's perspective. Trust is the other ingredient that needs to be there in that you need to trust yourself to handle the conversation and trust the person you are speaking to. 

I mean I do that with debate. I think about what I want to say, gather my evidence, and then think about what the other person might say. I might even think to myself what words are needed to minimize anger. But my aim is ultimately using empathy for an end goal that I am completely in control of. Interpersonal communication requires you do to this, but the end game should not be that you get everything you want in the end instead it should be about maintaining safety and building consensus. 

Most people choose to talk to other people about the person that is bothering us. I do it as well, way too often. Many of us choose not to say certain things which leads to all kinds of false conclusions. Some of us say things not really knowing how to say it and end up hurting feelings. So some of us refuse to get into the game at all. Regardless that connection gets lost. Even now, someone might be reading this and thinking to themselves this might be about them. Trust me, it's not. This is just something that I have been pondering since the last conference I went to which reminded me of my own hypocrisy on this issue. Not to mention several instances in the last couple of months where miscommunication has led to worse situations. 

So I have decided that... I am going to try my best... leaving room for human imperfection to be more vulnerable in my communication with other people. Not going to be easy, because the easy thing is to not go down this road. Maybe though our world would be better if we just sat down with one another and be intentional in how we talk to the people we care about. Stop letting anxieties, self-doubt, guilt, apathy, or fear stop us from being more connected with other people. And to be honest the reason that I always hold myself back is a belief that it would not change anything or the fear that it might not go my way. So my issue is that I might be taking a rational approach to a situation that should not follow the laws of logic. Or to trust that to do will always change something, but to not do will change nothing but how I look at the person I am in a relationship with.  

What about you? What makes it hard to clear up misunderstandings and misconceptions? How do you think we can become better at interpersonal communication?