2018 Year of ....

Another year has passed and therefore another reflection is to be made and another chapter of my life needs to be titled. These are the chapters of my life so far as a re-cap before I get into my reflections of this year. 

• 1987-2001 CHILDHOOD
• 2001-2005 ADOLESCENCE 
• 2005 the year of DOUBT
• 2006 the year of LOSS
• 2007 the year of the HOPE
• 2008 the year of ABANDON 
• 2009 the year of UNKNOWN
• 2010 the year of RISK
• 2011 the year of LEARNING 
• 2012 the year of PAYING DUES 
• 2013 the year of ISOLATION 
• 2014 the year of DEVELOPMENT
• 2015 the year of HOME
• 2016 the year of EXPANSION
• 2017 the year of FOLLOW THROUGH  

I have honestly never had a year like this year. I think this is why I am having a hard time naming 2018 any name, because I feel like no matter what direction I go the word misses something important. Normally, I tell you the chapter title and then explain why, but this year I am going to explain my year and hopefully a chapter title will be revealed. 

There are five main narratives or themes that have popped up in my reflections about 2018. 

1. Professional Confidence: 

This year I came to a couple of realizations. #1) I am a veteran in my profession. #2) I am a leader in my profession. These realizations are both a responsibility and a relief. A responsibility in that I do think as professionals who have been here for several years have an obligation to be supportive, positive, and active in pushing things forward. Relief in that now I have the confidence, experience, and the room to take some important risks. So I am. Getting involved in state-level decisions, getting involved in big district level decisions, and getting involved to make sure that all generations of teachers feel supported moving forward. I am loving where I am professionally. Excited to fight battles I feel are worth fighting and to take on risks that I think are worth taking. I am going to make many mistakes on the way, but I feel this calm confidence that no matter what it will all be worked out. 

2. Healthy Routines:  
I am proud of where I am health wise as well. Overall, I am really good about getting myself to the gym and making sure to keep routines. I have maintained my weight loss and I am working towards a healthier body composition. All work in progress. I feel clear headed in my workouts and competitive as well. I feel better when I treat my body well. I work super hard at this and feel proud that I was able to continue on this journey.

3. Maintaining Balance: 
Looking back at the year I have done a wonderful job balancing time with work, time with myself, and social time. Often times people split it into two camps work and home. Really though all of us need quality time with ourselves as well doing something that you love. For me, my alone time comes when I am working out or my AM/PM reflections with my bullet journal or enjoying Premiere League soccer over the weekend or reading. This is time dedicated to me for me that has nothing to do with obligation, but more understanding myself and allowing myself to be present. This time is precious. You also need time to be social as well to feel connected, understood, and to ground you. Then of course work which should be a place of pride and of course income. I feel like this year has had the best balance, yet.

4. Establishing Boundaries: 
One of my goals this year was to figure out where I stood when it comes to friends, family, and to some extent even myself as a professional. Part of doing this is the process of creating boundaries. The reason I made this a goal is because I usually have two reactions when I feel soured by things I will either run (end it/disappear) or try to the solver of all things (staying far more than I should). I decided that this was the year to let some things go. The people who I have been running from I either had to get over it or fix it. I needed to understand my own criteria for what a good friend is and make sure that I defend that position to help my friends out. At work, saying no when it it's important to say no and determining what battles I am willing to go the distance for. I think this year I figured it out. I know what I want in my relationships and I am learning to communicate what I want to them as well. Slowly but surly. It's still a work in progress.

5. Self-Trust 

This year I joined leadership opportunities that have opened doors and brought in challenges for me. I feel like I have hit my stride as lead. I was recognized last year to speak at the teaching recruitment fair to talk about my experiences and tell my story. I was asked to do an important job that has huge implications for my discipline. I joined a Teacher Research Group to help figure out how to move my subject matter forward. I travelled through Scotland and England then drove around Ireland. I reached 27% body fat which is the lowest I have ever been. I have a lot of small victories this year and a lot of fun memories as well. I think the reason this year has been different is that I did all these things not to prove a point, but because I believed I could. That is different. I don't need to prove anything, because I know it to be true. That has been the best part of this year. It's been freeing.

Now, thinking about those themes makes me think about a lot of different title names. CONFIDENCE comes to mind, but that does not display the amount of reflection and searching I have done this year. GUSTO, MOXIE, GRIT,  SELF-POSSESSION, DETERMINED, HARDIHOOD, and SPUNK all great words and yet still feels like it misses the point somehow.

With some help from some gurus though I managed to find a word that fits pretty well in terms of the theme that runs through all the others. All of themes speak to a new found calmness, clear mind, and confidence that things will be worked out. I can problem solve. I can push pass it. Even though this year did have challenges, heartache, and definitely some horrible moments this feeling still persisted.

So this is why I dub 2018 the year of EQUANIMITY. 

A word that means a stability and composure even when faced with life challenges and also stability and composure even when presented with successes as well. 

Hopes for Next Year: 
I hope I continue on the path I am on. Focusing on health, balance, learning, and positivity which has led me to new opportunities that I am grateful for. So stay the course is honestly my main resolution.

The other is to focus on mindset when it comes to zero-sum and to fix my relationship with food. Right now my mind goes "well... I ate a cookie... so I might as well have x, y, and z." This makes a small thing into a big thing. Same thing with working out if I miss a day my mind goes "well there goes the week." So I am going to be examining that to create a better relationship and understanding of food.

Going to be traveling to Mexico, Iceland, and a Tennessee to New Orleans road trip. Goal is to read 52 books next year. Listen to more podcasts. Maintain my bullet journaling. Live with intention and curiosity always.

Thank you to any of you who actually read my blog posts. I get a lot from writing these out. I hope that it helps some. I know that all of you help by pushing me to grow and to take some much needed risk in my life.

Happy 2019!