Accidental Passive Aggression

The thoughts I have been thinking about lately is language. Words are powerful and without even meaning to we can make people feel bad or make people feel under appreciated.

When I was younger I had this friend, whom I am still friends with, and she was really into fantasy books including romance. I was someone who took pride in loving non-fiction books and I thought those sorts of things were cheesy. Now, I have never ready any of those books. But because I did not understand it I would often tease her about it. Little did I know that if I asked her simple questions like "What is it that you love about those books?" I might have learned something about her and I also might have learned that these books can be good for me. Eventually I read Harry Potter and had to apologize to my friend.

I see this in my students. Kids who have a hard time reading put down kids who love reading. Partially because they do not understand how anyone could find joy in something that gives them frustration, and partly out of jealousy.

I find myself now in a position where I am now waking up early and exercising intensely. Without meaning to people say things like 'that's crazy' 'that's stupid' or 'you are spending all that time there'. Truth is I said those things to my friends as well. My morning friends I would often look at them in outrage. Then I realized that, again, if I asked them why they did it, what do they get from it, and act with curiosity I could have been more supportive of them. Not to mention I may have come to the conclusion that certain changes needed to happen, because I do value taking care of my health and I do value having my evenings to myself. I also value getting things done which getting up early supplies.

I am as guilty as everyone. It is human to act in shock or to tease when we are confronted with something that we do not understand or that we are secretly jealous of. But truth is, all of us, need some cheerleaders to. Confusion should be communicated as curiosity. You learn more that way.

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