Growing Pains
"Begin to be now what you will be hereafter." - William James
These quotes make sense to me intellectually, because what it is really asking of people is to live out their inner morality. To act on values they hold dear, to live out the dreams they talk about, and to start exhibiting the attributes they admire. Instead of passively live your life you should actively live the life you want to live. But what these quotes fail to talk about is how hard it truly is to live as you want to live.
Sometimes what you value and what you need fight against one another. You want balance, but you also don't want to let anyone down. Sometimes though you need to let people down in order to maintain balance. You value honesty but you do not want to hurt someone's feelings, so sometimes you might have to choose which value you to run with. Sometimes you value being independent, but you do not want to be alone, so what does that look like? Humans, by nature, are hypocritical due to the fact that life itself is never truly clear. If life was clear we might not be as confused, but then again it might also be boring as hell.
Right now as I am getting to know myself again, stepping back, and looking at what truly matters I find myself constantly having this debate in my head. Am I being hypocritical or am I being enlightened? Does being enlighten sometimes look like hypocrisy? Or am I experiencing cognitive dissonance since I am forcing myself to follow something that has always been against my nature? So many questions. Very little answers. Or maybe it is just my residual Catholic guilt?
Truth is though, I finished my Master's program and I am getting back to the basics. As I find myself having a more balanced life I am re-finding my passions. Reading, watching soccer, running, walking, hanging out with friends, and drinking tea as I write. I actually love to write. I haven't done it in a long time. So the good news is that I am filling my life with joy again. I am getting rest when I need it. Still working hard. But there might be some growing pains as I adjust to these changes and maybe as other people around me adjust to them as well.
These quotes make sense to me intellectually, because what it is really asking of people is to live out their inner morality. To act on values they hold dear, to live out the dreams they talk about, and to start exhibiting the attributes they admire. Instead of passively live your life you should actively live the life you want to live. But what these quotes fail to talk about is how hard it truly is to live as you want to live.
Sometimes what you value and what you need fight against one another. You want balance, but you also don't want to let anyone down. Sometimes though you need to let people down in order to maintain balance. You value honesty but you do not want to hurt someone's feelings, so sometimes you might have to choose which value you to run with. Sometimes you value being independent, but you do not want to be alone, so what does that look like? Humans, by nature, are hypocritical due to the fact that life itself is never truly clear. If life was clear we might not be as confused, but then again it might also be boring as hell.
Right now as I am getting to know myself again, stepping back, and looking at what truly matters I find myself constantly having this debate in my head. Am I being hypocritical or am I being enlightened? Does being enlighten sometimes look like hypocrisy? Or am I experiencing cognitive dissonance since I am forcing myself to follow something that has always been against my nature? So many questions. Very little answers. Or maybe it is just my residual Catholic guilt?
Truth is though, I finished my Master's program and I am getting back to the basics. As I find myself having a more balanced life I am re-finding my passions. Reading, watching soccer, running, walking, hanging out with friends, and drinking tea as I write. I actually love to write. I haven't done it in a long time. So the good news is that I am filling my life with joy again. I am getting rest when I need it. Still working hard. But there might be some growing pains as I adjust to these changes and maybe as other people around me adjust to them as well.
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