Talking Transformation vs. Actual Transformation

Human kindness is everywhere you just have to stop and look for it. Sometimes we focus too much on the negative that we forget to highlight the good. As I was running this morning I saw a kind man deliver breakfast to the homeless group that tends to hang around Estero Park. A little brother picked up his sister's toy and handed it to her. An older couple were walking along the bay holding hands and laughing about things. The world has challenges and there is a lot that has to change, including racial inequities, gender inequities, extremism, and anger not dealt with properly. However, I do believe the way we can solve all these issues is to listen to one another experiences and most importantly hold onto our common experiences. We are human.

I still hold a lot of hope in the world, but we need to get honest, and the best place to start is with ourselves. We cannot dwell on other people without dealing with ourselves. I suppose this is what I have always found frustrating working in non-profit organizations and political activist groups. It is also what I find frustrating about most organized religions as well. The concern is what others are doing, what others are not getting, and what others are doing wrong. To be able to have an effective conversation about race, about friendship, about humanity, or even about spiritual concerns you must always talk and reflect on yourself before you can ever change the mind of someone else. To be vulnerable and to model what reflection looks like is key to any teaching or changing of hearts.

This is why when I cover Islam as a Unit, I always start with talking about stereotypes, but I try my best not to do it in a way that shames my students for using stereotypes. It is a natural thing to do when people lack proper information and only receive extreme information. Despite it being natural it does lead to devastating consequences including trigger happy cops, profiling, denial of housing, denial of jobs, harassment, and alienation from society which includes institutional racism that closes doors on certain groups that have horrible stereotypes attached to them. I tell my students I will tell them three truths. The first, every single person that exists in the world is ignorant of something. The second, every single person that exists in this world has been stereotyped both good and bad. The third, every single person that exists in the world has stereotyped another person both good and bad. The point is not to shame people who stereotype, we all do, but to teach people how to be aware of their ignorance and teach them ways self-reflect before they proactively hurt someone else.

The conversation cannot be one sided and the person who drives the conversation cannot be self-righteous. Truth is the person who is preaching has stereotyped someone and probably still is. Truth is the person who is preaching kindness has had mean thoughts. Truth is the person who is preaching probably has vices and real demons they are struggling with. Once someone sees that without the preacher voicing it then the good of the preaching loses all meaning and the entire message gets lost. We must make our reflections visible and our humanity for good or bad visible in order to make lasting changes in the future generations. I truly believe that.

This, in my opinion, can lead to real honest conversations. Real change. It would encourage people to be honest about their feelings, be comfortable with talking about weaknesses, and provide the real clarity of growth that our society desperately needs. We lack the ability to empathize because we simply do not know how to reflect. We want to look good. Not actually be good.