Presuming Positive Intentions
I have been thinking about this for a week or so. This is a norm that is often on a lot of education meeting norms. I also think that this is the hardest norm to follow and often times we do not psychologically know how to maintain an attitude of presuming the positive. People have a negativity bias... we really do.
We hold these negative biases with ourselves, our friends, our colleagues, our neighbors, and our family members. No one is immune to it. You get into a fight with a friend and for the next month people are searching for passive aggressive behaviors that prove that person is still mad at you. Or you start to question the motives in a family member, because of one thing they did awhile back that has made you question everything. Groups of people come together and voice a concern then all of a sudden everyone is negative and someone's reputation is ruined due to the power negative mob mentality. I have seen people start to hate someone they never really interacted with due to group mentality. It's powerful. Negativity is seductive. Negativity is reaction. Negativity can feel protective, but really it is destructive. It destroys your ability to see the beauty in people and can literally destroy relationships. Or even worse reputations needlessly.
So what do we do about this?
Recognize when you are falling into a vortex of negativity. If you are saying negative things about a friend then ask yourself why you are doing that and try to confront it in a mature way. Have a conversation with that friend privately or confront your own psychology about that issue. Often times we blame others for things we actually need to fix ourselves. Projecting is a true and real phenomenon. Honestly, it is more often that than anything else. Speaking from my own experiences.
If you are in a group of people who are starting to fall into a complain fest, recognize it, and then redirect the energy of the group. Or even point it out to your friends. It might feel awkward, but to be honest the more we recognize it in ourselves the less we will be prone to do it.
It is a hard thing to do and no one will be perfect at it, but the point is to build healthy relationships.
Like Ed Sheeran says, and I have mentioned before, humans are destined to radiate or drain. We either give strength and support or we take it away. Sometimes we can be both in a relationship. We can be the support and then something never gets dealt with then you can start being the drain.
The truth is. If you can't presume positive intentions then most likely you have a toxic relationship that either needs to be fixed or dropped.
Presume positive intentions or seek positive people. Do not passive aggressively dwell in the negativity. People do. Some people thrive on the feeling, but personally I drown. I just don't want it. I really don't.
We hold these negative biases with ourselves, our friends, our colleagues, our neighbors, and our family members. No one is immune to it. You get into a fight with a friend and for the next month people are searching for passive aggressive behaviors that prove that person is still mad at you. Or you start to question the motives in a family member, because of one thing they did awhile back that has made you question everything. Groups of people come together and voice a concern then all of a sudden everyone is negative and someone's reputation is ruined due to the power negative mob mentality. I have seen people start to hate someone they never really interacted with due to group mentality. It's powerful. Negativity is seductive. Negativity is reaction. Negativity can feel protective, but really it is destructive. It destroys your ability to see the beauty in people and can literally destroy relationships. Or even worse reputations needlessly.
So what do we do about this?
Recognize when you are falling into a vortex of negativity. If you are saying negative things about a friend then ask yourself why you are doing that and try to confront it in a mature way. Have a conversation with that friend privately or confront your own psychology about that issue. Often times we blame others for things we actually need to fix ourselves. Projecting is a true and real phenomenon. Honestly, it is more often that than anything else. Speaking from my own experiences.
If you are in a group of people who are starting to fall into a complain fest, recognize it, and then redirect the energy of the group. Or even point it out to your friends. It might feel awkward, but to be honest the more we recognize it in ourselves the less we will be prone to do it.
It is a hard thing to do and no one will be perfect at it, but the point is to build healthy relationships.
Like Ed Sheeran says, and I have mentioned before, humans are destined to radiate or drain. We either give strength and support or we take it away. Sometimes we can be both in a relationship. We can be the support and then something never gets dealt with then you can start being the drain.
The truth is. If you can't presume positive intentions then most likely you have a toxic relationship that either needs to be fixed or dropped.
Presume positive intentions or seek positive people. Do not passive aggressively dwell in the negativity. People do. Some people thrive on the feeling, but personally I drown. I just don't want it. I really don't.
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