Transformations

I was listening to a podcast about transformations this morning as I walked to the gym. People were telling their stories about how they went from one thing to something completely different. One was a boy who grew up in a fundamental Islamic household, his father a convicted terrorist, and then became an anti-extremist activist. Another a gang member who served time for murder who is now doing outreach and motivational speaking. Then a couple of the examples were more physical in nature in terms of gender and the inability to walk. All of these stories were amazing and even though the host never highlighted the similarities between these stories it was quite apparent.

New Year's is upon us and this is normally the time when all of us make wishes about the transformations we want to make in the upcoming year. Most likely the reason why this podcast chose the theme of transformations, because it is on all of our minds. Of course, most of us make goals for the new year and many of us (including me) most often don't keep them. The reason we fail at our resolutions is the same reason why these transformations are successful. We are good at the wanting, but might struggle with the reflection, planning, and action taking that is required in order to see it through.  

Sometimes we lack the courage to turn our wishes into goals that we take action on. Transformations take bravery. Now, why would going after what you want take bravery? Because humans are crazy and in order to do this we need to overcome two cognitive dissonance principals that humans carry with them. 

Human Cognitive Dissonance Principal #1: Humans are more willing to stay in the comforts of a bad situation than liberate themselves to become something they want. This is due to the fear of being free, fear of being a failure, and the fear of accidentally stumbling upon something worse in pursuit of these desires. 

Human Cognitive Dissonance Principal  #2: Humans want to be accepted more than they want to stand out even though they really want to be accepted for who they truly are. 

So it is these two reasons why going after what you truly want takes bravery. We have to beat the voices in our head, the pressures of society, and the limitations we have put onto ourselves. 

Most people will never say it plainly like that though. I failed my new year's resolution, because I secretly preferred the security of what I know over the thing I most want. Or I chose not to go for that master's program, because I fear that others might not accept me and I might be judged for standing out.

These cognitive dissonance principals essentially say that humans, in general, are more willing to label ourselves as limited, stay in a toxic relationships, continue bad habits, and stay in our zone of comfort even if it means never feeling content. This is quite alarming and incredibly real. These principals apply to why history repeats itself, why we are better at helping others than ourselves, and why humans on a whole spend so much money in the self-help industry.  People are more afraid of being successful than they are of maintaining a low performance they are use to. 

I want this but I refuse to do anything about it, because this subpar living feels safe. It's not something we want to say out loud nor is it something that people readily want to admit to themselves. So instead we say many things in its place to excuse our inaction: 

"I have no time."
"I would but my partner doesn't....."
"I can't change. This is who I am..."
"I'm not good at that."
"I'm going to fail so why try?" 

"I'll start tomorrow." 

"I got sick."
"If I had..... then I would ......" 

The truth is. Time can be made. Plans can be created. Support can be fostered. Failure can be survived. We can change. Cognitive dissonance can be cleared by listening to the narrative that speaks to your heart rather than drowning it out with the narrative that scares you and diminishes your genuine truth.  

Courage is needed to take the first step. Patience is needed to endure the obstacles. Reflection is needed to celebrate victories and correct inevitable challenges. Action needs to be taken. Be honest though about your competing narratives which helps arm you for the fight you are about to take on in the name of your awesomeness.  

"Let us postpone nothing. Let us balance life's account every day... One who daily puts the finishing touches to his life is never in want of time." - Seneca 

So when we, including myself, sit down to reflect on the year 2018 and start thinking about 2019 there are a couple of things that should be thought about.

Examine your life and figure out what it is that needs attending to. Make a list of all the things you want to do. Pick one. Only one. One that is plausible to do within a year time frame that will bring lots of value to your life. Write down your desire and the competing narrative that gets in the way. Embrace those negatives as challenges that can be overcome. Make actionable steps. Allow yourself to be human and accept it will be hard sometimes. Find yourself a cheerleader who will celebrate all the silly parts with you and help you kick butt at the bad parts too. Then like all the transformations I heard about this morning--take action. Don't just reflect, make lists, and dream. Do. Dare to be smarter than your natural instincts. Blow up those stupid human cognitive dissonance principals.